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Is the father’s participation at birth dangerous?

A century ago, when most babies were born at home, such a question would have been deemed irrelevant. At that time, everybody knew that childbirth is "women’s' business". The husband was given a practical task, such as spending hours boiling water, but he was not involved in the birth itself.

Today, the same question is still deemed irrelevant, even stupid. At the dawn of the 21st Century, everybody knows about the importance of the active role of the father in the "birth of a family". Most women cannot even imagine giving birth without the participation of their "partner". We have heard countless wonderful stories of "couples giving birth". Fathers are welcome in the most conventional delivery rooms.

If it is commonplace to dodge the real question, in spite of a conceptual mutation, this means that the issues are complex. In order to interpret such sudden and radical changes in concepts and behavior, one must put them into their historical context. It is essential to recall that the intriguing phenomenon we are studying began unexpectedly in most industrialized countries in the 1960s. Then a new generation of women felt the need to be assisted by the baby's father when giving birth. They started to express this new demand at the very time when the births were more and more concentrated in larger and larger hospitals. From a historical viewpoint one cannot dissociate hospital birth and the participation of the baby's father. This was also the time when the family had a tendency to become smaller and commonly reduced to the nuclear family, so that in the daily life of many women the baby's father was the only familiar person.

Those who have been active witnesses of such behavioral upheavals remember how quickly theoreticians established new doctrines. For example I heard around 1970 that the participation of the father will strengthen the ties inside the couples and that we should expect a decrease in the rate of divorces and separations... I also heard that the presence of the father, as a familiar person, should make the birth easier and that we should expect a decrease in the rate of C-sections...

The dawn of the 21st century represents, 30 years later, the beginning of another phase in the history of childbirth. The current turning point is related to the fast development of "evidence based obstetrics" and "evidence based midwifery". One of the first effects of a scientific approach is to stimulate a new awareness of the importance of environmental factors in the perinatal period. For example we learnt from a series of prospective randomised controlled studies that an electronic environment tends to make the birth more difficult and has no other effects on statistics than to increase the rates of C-sections. Evidence based obstetrics is instrumental in the preparation for the "post-electronic age" in childbirth. Where the participation of the father at birth is concerned, we must raise at least three questions:

1. Does the participation of the father aid or hinder the birth?

2. Can the participation of the father at birth influence the sexual life of the couple afterwards?

3. Can all men cope with the strong emotional reactions they may have while participating in the birth?

Article, first published in Midwifery Today, Vol 51, 1999, Michel Odent looks at the issue of the participation of the baby's father at birth.
http://www.michelodent.com/news.php?id=10, 29th August 2002

It is so difficult for us, as men, not to give a word of advice when someone shares their problems with us. We always want to fix the problem, but in this case, if you really want your marriage to work, it is better not to say anything. The next sentences are FORBIDDEN:
- Everything is in your mind, we have a beautiful baby, why are you sad?
- It won’t be this way forever, you will get over it
- I have seen many mothers having a good time
Why are they forbidden? Because your wife will hear something completely different from what I have just written, such as: you are not a good mother…something is wrong with you for feeling like that…..etc. (you can add more). My suggestions are as follows:

1.Learn how to listen. It is so important for us to learn how to listen. You need to STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING and sit down, make time with her just to actively listen to her worries. She also needs to do the same because it is not good that you bottle up your feelings.

2. Empathize with her. Use sentences like “Oh it must be so difficult for you”, “I didn’t know that you were feeling like that…you must be suffering”, “I can’t imagine your pain…”, and please, be honest when you say this, because your wife will know immediately. read more